Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
