Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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