I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
