Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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