I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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