2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
