i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
