Do you still have your period?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
