Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
