PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My vagina just recognized that song.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
