last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
