God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
