Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Let's get the cat blown out
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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