I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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