just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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