My liver just broke up with me...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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