before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
