the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
