im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
im on a boat
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