I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
