i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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