Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
