the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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