I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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