I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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