whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
