if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize