Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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