your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
