i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
