We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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