Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I would ride that face into the sunset
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
