Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize