Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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