I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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