apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
