Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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