what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
