So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
