And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Duck Duck Cougar?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
