I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
