It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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