I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
