her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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