I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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