Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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