I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
