I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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