dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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