I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize