He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
