i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
