Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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