I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
