I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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