It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize