i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
