i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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