I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
