I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize