i jhust puked up my retainher.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize