i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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