He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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