May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
FUCK WHALES
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
