Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
