so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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