it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
