he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
