so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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