She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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